In the month of December 2022, Vikalp got several calls from a woman named Renu from Haryana. She wanted organizational shelter from her family. She had fallen in love with another girl. Fearing the wrath of their parents and probable expulsion from the family she along with her partner wanted safety.
Vikalp verified the legitimacy of these claims through known sources and set a time and date when they would come. On December 1, 2022, the two women came to the office with mere shoulder bags. Now Haryana is known for its severe winters. The place they came from was already under the season’s winter haze, with a nip in the mornings and evenings, and yet the women carried so little. Clearly, the women started experiencing the price one pays for not falling in line.
Both sat huddled, their lines of worry etched in their faces and gestures. They had crossed their 19 years of age a few months ago. We learnt that their families had first wondered at their friendship, and then questioning followed. Fearing separation, they planned this getaway without forethought of what follows.
A day of rest with food, relaxation, and peer sharing of lives helped them overcome fear and it brought to surface Renu’s deep-seated desire, “Can you take me to a barber’s shop? I want to cut my hair.” We learnt that their ability to live out on their own was fragile. From experience, we knew the family would eventually find them and come to the office. We prepared them for this. In the meantime, we explained the importance of writing to families about their safety.
Later as the day went by, we learned of the circumstances and the context of their lived realities. Renu’s partner Beena had recently lost her father. Their grandmother received a pension – that was now the only source of income for the family. She had a younger brother. Three women and one male (non-adult) constituted the family. Renu’s father worked as a bus driver and he was the only earning member. She also had a younger brother.
Recently, Renu’s family had seen her in a comprising position with Beena. Fearing backlash both had hurriedly planned this getaway. Both had to still finish their studies and lacked a sense of the larger reality and what life entails when one sets out to live on one’s own terms and gumption with limited education, resources, and skills.
Three days later the expected occurred. Police along with a local relative of Renu’s family came knocking at Vikalp’s office. But what we did not expect or know at that point was that Renu and Beena had called their families and told them of their whereabouts. Perhaps our conversations of the necessity of a reasonably well-paid job, of both earning to live life had led to this change or was it simply the cold, the unfamiliar terrain of struggle, place, language, and people. Or perhaps it was simply a getaway to make the parents bend to their wishes. It was hard to tell. But looking back we feel whatever may have been the reasons for that decision, it was a reasonable decision. We did not ask them the reason for the change in their mind.
When the police personnel came we had an open conversation with the police and the relative. We insisted that the families would have to come before the women can be allowed to leave the organization. Besides, we felt engaging with the parents would help the women live in their families with greater support and understanding of their choice. As an organization, our insistence that the parents of the women come as part of the procedures we follow in case of choice made by the women so that a process of dialogue can be opened up. Based on the dialogue further decisions can be taken. In this case, the women wanted to return.
Renu’s father came within two days. No one could come from Beena’s family. We learnt from Renu’s father that there is no communication between the two families. Beena shared that no one would be in a position to come for her.
We heard what Renu’s father had to say about his daughter. “She is different from most girls, outgoing and willing to do what boys do … yes she is different”, he concluded. And added, “But she does not want to study, what will she do?” I try my best to give them the best.” He pointed at his shoes and hers. There was indeed a big difference. His were worn out, hers looked new their clothes too carried a difference that validated what her father said. We learnt from him that the girls had gone missing earlier also. But at that time he had no idea of the reasons why they fled. He was concerned for her and their friend’s well-being and seemed willing to accept that no force would be used against her.
This time the father acknowledged that he had gained insight regarding his daughter’s relationship and friendship. The girls returned back to Haryana with Renu’s father.
The father called and informed us that they had reached home safely. There was assurance in his voice. Some days later, the girls called to say they were fine and not locked up. They were trying to go back to school. Future calls will let us know.
During their stay, a reporter who had published their story and labelled them as lesbians, called to get a follow-up of their story. The reporter mentioned them as lesbians without having once talked to them. Vikalp protested this and told him he cannot do this and that this way of reporting was wrong as it affects the lives of the girls.
Renu didn’t get her haircut here. But we hope one day she does.